Home > Marriage, Relationships > The Difference Between Soul Mates and One Flesh

The Difference Between Soul Mates and One Flesh

The modern concept of soulmates.

Lately, I have been all confused about the truthfulness and falseness in the term “soul mate”. In singleness, I learned not to “single anyone out” in public or in my mind. I learned that a guy could be, “someone else’s future husband” and to treat him as such. That advice was helpful for me at the time. Also, I’d occassionally hear married people say, “How did I know my wife was the one? I married her! Then I knew.” What does that imply? I think it implies that a soul mate exists in marriage, because of marriage -not because of the person.

The term “soul mate” is relatively new. Back in the day, people did not expect to meet and marry “the one”. A soul mate is someone who is considered the person you are made to be with and who you will be incomplete without. This person has the ideal body, personality, job, and goals. This person is so together that they will not seek to change you or themselves. Rather, you will live in harmony and have complete freedom to continue living for your own dreams too. However, that kind of person does not exist. There is no perfect someone who can complete you, who wont change you when married. The Soul Mate Marriage is a self-focused marriage, one that is supposed to be good for the individuals and not for the unit. Therefore, when strain and tension occurs in this marriage the assumption is that you married the wrong person and should end it to search again for “the one”.

According to the Bible, oneness is meant to represent the union of Chrsit and his church. Throughout the Old and New Testament marriage is symbolic to the covenant between a faithful God and his (normally) unfaithful people. By God’s design, marriage is meant to change you – you’re suppose to grow and sanctify your spouse too! God has definitely uniquely designed each person. We  all have specific details about us that other people don’t have (check out Romans 12 as an example).  Also, God is completely sovereign – meaning He controls the good, bad, and the ugly. This implies that nothing is random and nothing happens by chance or coincidence. God has planned your marriage with your intended even before you did. And yet, that marriage will never complete you or give you everlasting security that a Soul Mate supposedly can. In fact, most married people will Amen to the statement, “You marry a stranger!” – because marriage changes you to the point of not even knowing who you married. In the One Flesh Marriage your unity is no longer based on compatibility, romance, and common interests. It’s based on a covenant with God and a promise to your spouse, “til death do us part.” The marriage represents a faithful God to His unfaithful people. Two becoming one requires active love and selflessness for the rest of one’s life – especially when it’s hard.

Both the Soul Mate Marriage and the One Flesh Marriage hold to a sense of fate or destiny. However, the Soul Mate Marriage rejects the idea of unhappiness and sacrifice, because it is consumed with the notion of a perfect somebody. While, the One Flesh Marriage embraces discord as a means to serving one another all the more within the covenant because the covenant (not the person) is the reason they are soul mates.

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  1. March 2, 2012 at 3:00 AM

    Well said, Chelsea! Thanks for sharing this. -Jim

  2. Char Mahal
    January 7, 2014 at 7:58 AM

    I disagree. Your intuition will tell you when you have found your soul mate. You were on point with all of this: “you will live in harmony and have complete freedom to continue living for your own dreams too.” This relationship gives you a sense of liberation, that the union awakens a part of yourself that benefits not only you, but the union as well. The Divine purpose of both individuals benefits because the outpouring of love and inspiration is reciprocated. The duality of male and female comes together to represent the Ultimate Oneness.

    • January 18, 2014 at 3:05 PM

      There is liberation that can come from a marriage that seeks to lift one another up. And like you said, the union as a whole benefits. However, I disagree with the general idea of a soul mate primarily because someone’s soul being united with another soul happens in response to a covenantal marriage, and not based on the natural self. This marriage that seeks to function as one, in the midst of disappointments & failures, is the evidence of commitment & love.

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